Relocation Decisions: What to Consider Before Starting Over in a New City

Eight years ago, I boarded a flight from Oregon to New York with two suitcases, a job offer, and a head full of what-ifs. I’d lived in Oregon my entire life—thick with Pacific Northwest roots, surrounded by people who knew my story without explanation. And then, suddenly, I was moving to the other side of the country.

New York was a different world. Fast, loud, electric. It pulled me in and overwhelmed me in the same breath. But the decision to relocate wasn’t just about geography. It was about identity, opportunity, fear, hope—and learning how to carry pieces of "home" with me while building something new.

Relocating to a new city—especially when you’re leaving behind everything familiar—isn’t just a logistical decision. It’s an emotional, financial, social, and deeply personal one. Whether you’re chasing a dream job, a better lifestyle, or a fresh start, making a move like this requires more than GPS and good packing skills.

In this guide, I’ll walk you through what I learned from uprooting my life and starting over, with grounded insight for anyone considering doing the same. Because it’s not just about where you’re going. It’s about who you’ll become when you get there.

Why People Relocate—And What’s Driving Your Decision

People move for all kinds of reasons:

• A career opportunity
• A lower cost of living
• Proximity to family or a support system
• A desire for change
• Climate or lifestyle shifts

Whatever the reason, relocation is a big deal. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, about 8.2 million Americans moved to a different state in 2022, and the numbers are rising post-pandemic as remote work and lifestyle re-evaluations continue.

But here’s something I didn’t fully grasp before I left Oregon: you have to know what’s truly motivating your move—or you may find yourself chasing someone else’s dream.

Ask yourself:

• Am I moving toward something or away from something?
• Is this decision rooted in clarity, or just in restlessness?
• If this opportunity didn’t exist, would I still want to live there?

Getting honest about the “why” will guide every other decision more clearly—from where you live to how you build a new life once you arrive.

1. Know Your Non-Negotiables (And Be Honest About Them)

Before I moved to New York, I imagined I could adjust to anything. That optimism helped—but I underestimated how much my daily comfort relied on certain things.

In Oregon, I was used to green spaces, quiet mornings, and a sense of community that felt intimate and familiar. In New York, I had energy, opportunity—and 24/7 stimulation that sometimes felt like too much.

Here’s the thing: every city has its own rhythm. The key is knowing which parts of your current life are essential to your well-being—and which you’re willing to trade.

Make a personal inventory:

• Do I need walkability, or am I okay driving everywhere?
• How much noise can I actually tolerate?
• What kind of climate supports my mental and physical health?
• Do I need proximity to family or friends to thrive?
• Is access to nature important to me, or am I energized by a more urban vibe?

This isn’t about being picky. It’s about setting yourself up for success before you even unpack your boxes.

2. Run the Numbers—But Think Beyond Cost of Living

Everyone tells you to compare the cost of living when relocating—and yes, it matters. But the conversation can’t stop there.

New York was obviously more expensive than Oregon in almost every category. Rent, groceries, transportation—you name it. But what surprised me most weren’t the numbers. It was the way those costs reshaped my daily decisions.

I had to think differently about how I spent time, what kind of social life I could afford, and how far my salary really stretched after taxes, commuting, and rent.

A few financial realities to consider before relocating:

• What's the average rent or mortgage in the area—and how much space does that actually get you?
• Will your salary adjust to match the local cost of living?
• What are the hidden costs (car insurance, utilities, parking, public transit)?
• Is healthcare more expensive in the new state?
• What’s the tax situation (state income tax, sales tax, etc.)?

3. Don’t Skip the Emotional Math

You can calculate square footage, rent, and salaries—but there’s another kind of math that matters: the emotional equation.

When I left Oregon, I knew I was leaving behind more than trees and slow Sundays. I was leaving the shorthand conversations, the places where I had history, the people who knew me before I had to explain myself.

Even if you’re excited about your move, grief will likely follow. That’s not a sign you made the wrong decision—it’s a sign you’ve built a life worth missing.

So give yourself permission to feel the full spectrum:

• Gratitude for what you’re leaving behind
• Grief for the changes
• Fear of the unknown
• Hope for what’s next

All of it belongs. Moving doesn’t have to be clean to be right.

4. Explore More Than Just the Job Market

If a new job is the reason behind your move (as it was for me), it’s easy to put everything else on hold. But a fulfilling life isn’t built around a job—it’s supported by everything around it.

Before committing to a city, ask:

• What’s the local culture like outside of work hours?
• Are there opportunities for community, hobbies, or spiritual life?
• How do people connect here? (Meetups, events, neighborhood culture?)
• Is there a dating scene that aligns with your relationship goals?
• How diverse is the population—and does it feel inclusive?

In New York, I found a professional network faster than a personal one. That surprised me. It reminded me that relationships take time—and that fulfillment doesn’t come from work alone.

So, do your research. Look beyond LinkedIn. Visit if you can. Read local publications. Check out community boards. Try a coworking space. The more you understand how the city moves outside of your job, the more confidently you can decide if you want to move with it.

5. Understand Your Relationship to Change

Moving cities doesn’t just test your logistics—it tests your resilience, your identity, and your relationship to transition.

I thought I loved change. But what I really loved was controlled change—where I could predict the outcome. Relocating across the country taught me how to be flexible, how to adapt, and how to rebuild community from scratch.

Ask yourself:

• How do I usually respond to uncertainty?
• Do I know how to build new routines?
• Am I someone who reaches out or waits to be invited?
• Do I thrive in novelty—or do I need structure to feel safe?

There’s no wrong answer. But the more you understand how you respond to change, the better equipped you’ll be to navigate it when the honeymoon phase of relocation fades.

6. Give the Move a Purpose Beyond the Move

Yes, the job might be the reason you’re going. Or the lower cost of living. Or the proximity to a partner. But what else?

What do you want this next chapter to be about?

For me, the move to New York became about reinvention. It gave me a chance to explore different versions of myself without the expectations I had back home.

Whether you’re moving for career, clarity, or curiosity—let it mean something. Give the move a why that goes deeper than logistics. That purpose will sustain you when the initial excitement wears off.

True Takeaways

• Moving doesn’t erase who you were—it expands who you are. You can carry your roots with you while still growing new branches.
• Emotional preparation is just as important as packing. Give yourself time to feel everything the move brings up.
• Your happiness doesn’t depend on the city—it depends on how you show up in it. Build community, invest in relationships, and create your own version of “home.”
• No city is perfect. Every place has trade-offs. The key is knowing which trade-offs you’re willing to make.
• It’s okay if it takes time. New routines, friendships, and rhythms don’t happen overnight. Let yourself settle in slowly.

The City Doesn’t Make the Life—You Do

Relocating is rarely just about where you’re going. It’s about who you’re becoming. Whether you’re moving across the country or just a few towns over, you’re not just changing addresses—you’re reshaping your life.

You won’t know everything in advance. And that’s okay. You’re allowed to leap before all the puzzle pieces are in place. Just make sure you’ve got a clear “why,” a few non-negotiables, and the emotional space to welcome change when it arrives.

Starting over isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about honoring it while building something new. If your heart says it’s time, and your gut says you’re ready (even if your nerves say otherwise), go ahead.

Unpack slowly. Make a new favorite spot. Let yourself belong, one coffee shop, one conversation, one evening walk at a time.

And when the quiet “what if” shows up again? You’ll know how to answer it.